Managing Expectations In 400 Years of Domestic Violence

"I found it dehumanizing that there’s some segment of white America that still see us as N’s no matter how much money we make, no matter where we live.  So to me, it was a wake up call that the good ole boy network still exists.”

This was the comment from Jerrick Jackson, a Black patron at J. Alexander’s in Bloomfield, Michigan who claims he was discriminated against in the restaurant.  He also says that he was called the n-word and had food thrown at him when he came to the aid of another black patron who was also confronting apparent discrimination at the same time for a separate incident.

The other patron Lia Gant, claims she was told to give up her seat for two white men.

She said, “Today I should be able to walk into a restaurant and order whatever I want.  I should not be forced to get out of my seat or even requested to get out of my seat for someone else that was not there before me.”

https://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/ny-black-woman-white-man-denied-service-michigan-seat-20190627-nsylcpo5tnf47gpq4q7vhhelt4-story.html

The incidents involving Mr. Jackson and Ms. Gant are not at all uncommon.  Therefore it is troubling that both patrons are stunned with the incidents at J. Alexander’s that night.  We read in articles and see in videos that Black men, women and children continue to be confronted as nuisances at best and criminals at worst while legally occupying space in the public and their own homes.   Remember the white woman slapping the Black boy in the face at the pool?  Remember the Black Yale graduate student who was reported to police while in her campus study room? Remember the Black man followed to his apartment by a white woman who refused to believe he lived in the building?  Remember the white woman who pulled a gun on the Black family while enjoying time at a local park?  Remember the Black girl who was picked up while sitting at her desk and body slammed by the white male school resource officer?  Remember the Black man who was killed when a white law enforcement officer broke into his apartment and shot him?  Remember when Trayvon Martin was murdered by George Zimmerman?

I could remind you of so many more incidents but I imagine you get my drift.  Sooo…tell me, why now do we still need a wake up call?

In 2019, if we are still asleep to these challenges of equity and justice there is a much worse problem.  I’d say that the problem lies within our expectations of fairness despite a reality that implies otherwise.

We have no evidence to support such expectation although fairness is that to which everyone is entitled.  Nonetheless it continues to elude us.  And since we cannot argue with reality, we must begin managing our expectations and consider new choices to minimize encounters of such disrespect and dehumanization.

For some, the right approach is through legislation or sensitivity training or teaching tolerance or implicit bias seminars or some combination of them all.  But these approaches suggest that trainings, classes or legislation can alter the inherent character traits of others.  These approaches also suggest that there is an actual fix to achieve the acceptance of our humanity by those of whom we want acceptance.

Instead, because the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, I suggest:
•WE learn to accept us
•WE act in our own interests and
•WE acknowledge that the past 400 years of domestic violence have not been a transient experience.

The sooner we do these, the sooner we will begin directing our energy, talent and resources in the right direction.  These three steps will allow us to begin creating conditions wherein we can live freely.

Otherwise, if we choose to wait until legislation or uncomfortable conversations ignite change, we are holding our own peace hostage to the unwilling disposal of values that preserve the dominance of our once slave owners.

No.  I say we needn’t bother them to change their principles and behaviors when we can change our own and create a future that is unlike our past.

To listen to the Nurah Speaks podcast episode on this topic, use this link:
soundcloud.com/nurahspeaks/ep-83-managing-expectations-in-400-years-of-domestic-violence

Subscribe to Nurah Speaks on Spotify, ApplePodcasts, SoundCloud, Stitcher, CastBox, RadioPublic or wherever you stream great podcasts.

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